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A mother's fight of her life (CPS and autism)
Tiffany86
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close windowThe day my kids were taken was a day I wish I could erase from my memory. My heart never ached so bad as I cried a thousand tears. Cps is suppose to protect children and not rip them away from loving homes. Later, I would soon find out about the cps corruption happening all over the world. How it's not based on the "Childs best interest" but the money incentives they receive. They get bonuses for each child they adopt out and an extra 2k for a special needs child. It's sick. Don't believe me? Do the research as I did.
I have three beautiful children. My oldest is 3yrs old. His name is James and recently got diagnosed with Autism w/ Average intelligence. I have always loved and cared for my kids since the day they were born. I knew my son, James, was different when he turned 1yrs old. He was behind developmentally in many ways. People kept saying, "Oh..its because he is a boy. They are slower" even though I knew something was "off". I immediately had him connected with VMRC to receive services in regards to Therapy which included speech therapy (when old enough), physical therapy (as he didn't walk yet), and overall therapy. They came to the home once per week until he was 2 1/2. As the months passed he improved significantly. However, there was still something wrong I felt. He didn't look me in the eyes that much. He was not very sociable at daycare. He did not say one word even though I was very consistent with him. I was involved with every therapy session and even continued the therapy after they left. As he was my son who deserved the best. Recently, after all the years I fought and advocated for him..he was finally diagnosed with Autism and transferred to an agency that specialized in it. By the end of this month he will turn 3yrs old and be aged out of their program and transferred to the school district. Worried because he needs the continued services and everything that can possibly be offered to him so he could have the best start. Worried because he isn't in my care. Worried because I know the person he is with doesn't care about him nor is he capable of providing him with what he needs. And this is where my story begins..
A cps report was made on Aug 11th, 2010 that I "locked my kids in their bedroom". Granted that was true but it was never neglect! I tried to explain to the cps worker that my son had Autism and the behaviors associated with it. I told her that I only did it during naptime/bedtime to protect my son as he "wanders" during the night. I explained that it started when I woke up one night and heard my son crying. I jumped out of bed and found him standing in the bathtub filled with cold water. As a mother, I freaked out and had to make sure that would never happen again and he would be safe during the night. I tried the gates. They didn't work. He knew how to hop over them or push them down. I tried the safety locks on the door handles. Didn't work. He knew how to push them down to where they would pop off. He has figured out every safety lock and how to undo it. Some people say Autism is a disability but I think the opposite. Even though my son can't talk, he is extremely smart. He can do things kids his age can't do. Mind you, this cps worker was young herself, probably fresh out of college, and had no kids herself.
Before I even locked the bedroom I did my research first. I found on many valid Autism Websites where professionals even suggested to "lock the bedroom door" during bedtime to protect them and keep them safe during the night. To make it to where you have quick access to the room in case of a fire. After reading that, I started locking the door ONLY during bedtime. Before that, I had to turn the lock around to the outside because on one occasion my son locked himself in his room (he knows how to lock and unlock doors). It took me 30 min just to unlock the door from the outside and get in. That's when I turned the lock to the outside (but didn't start locking the door at that point).
They noticed the scratches on my daughters cheeks and asked where they came from. I told them my son did it. He did it not knowing it would hurt her as he doesn't understand "Cause and effect" but does it out of frustration because he can't talk and gets frustrated when he can't communicate (in any way) on what he wants or what upsets him. I told them that I put him in time-out (which never works) every time he did it and explained in short words what he did wrong and how he has to be nice. I kept doing time-outs as I don't spank my kids. I explained that he only did it to her under supervision. It wasn't all the time either. He had his "days" and other days he was perfectly fine. The daycare he went to prior (for a long time) had a problem with him recently on that because he kept hurting the other toddlers and making some of them bleed (scratches). Parents started to complain. But then they were trying to say that it was classified as a "failure to protect" when that doesn't make any sense. So every parent with an Autistic child can't have a non-autistic child in the same house? Because that's how they make it seem.
They told me to keep the door open and gate up. I did. Even though I knew what my son would do. It was hard for me to even go to bed, not knowing if my son would be safe during the night. But I felt I had to "Comply" with cps. They wanted "different" alternatives.
If you guys want a laugh here was a few suggestions she said.
1) "Why don't you just take the door handle off completely"
I just told her I did it to protect my son and keep him from wondering and getting hurt during the night, if not killed. So taking off the door handle completely? You want to make it easier for him where then he just "swings" the door open? Seriously.
2) "Why don't you just stack 2 gates on top of each other in the door frame"
I told her my son new how to hop over gates and push them down. So even if I stacked them (which would serve NO purpose, I couldn't do it because at the time I was 39 weeks pregnant and a single mom, and it would be virtually impossible because a pressure mounted gate needs a ground to stand on) And my son would just push the bottom gate down and crawl under the one that was on top. Again, didn't make sense.
3) "Why don't you just lock the bathroom"
I told her again that my son KNEW how to UNLOCK and LOCK doors so locking the bathroom door wouldn't be of any use because he would know how to unlock it. Besides, that's not my point! Its the whole house! Its the bathroom, my room, the kitchen, counters, sliding glass door, stove, oven, front door, etc. She wasn't getting the big picture and obviously at this point, I knew she had not been listening to anything I was saying from the beginning.
But, I did find a different alternative. I bought a gate that was tall enough to where he couldn't hop over and strong enough to where he couldn't push down. CASE SOLVED! I bought a door handle with no lock on either side. BOTH INSTALLED DURING THE INVESTIGATION! That's what they wanted!!! My whole purpose of the locked bedroom door was to ensure that my son was safe during the night. That's it. Since I have a gate now; there is no reason to lock the bedroom door.
Ok. So here comes the social worker and cps worker on the following day. The social worker with this big proposal on the "case plan".
The social worker stated, "Madeline wants to close the case but we want you to do these "services" under family maintenance" Note: They said they were strictly VOLUNTARY so I felt I had a say in the matter. They wanted me to take:
Parenting classes
Domestic Violence Assessment
Mental Health Assessment
I gave them reasons why I felt I didn't need their services. Valid ones if that.
I didn't need parenting classes as I have been taking parenting classes since 2007 voluntarily on a weekly basis. I started taking them after I gave birth to my oldest son as I was a new mother, a young mother, and felt taking parenting classes would only benefit me and my son.
I didn't need a mental health assessment because I just got one done and I have had a mental health caseworker since 2007.
I didn't need a domestic violence assessment because it wasn't a current issue and something that happened years ago.
The cps worker kept saying this was a "parenting issue" and I fired back with "No. It's a safety issue. Not a parenting issue. I was protecting my son!!!". Later, I would read in a report made to the courts that I kept "minimizing the issue". I didn't minimize anything. I just explained to them why I had to lock the bedroom door during bedtime, as suggested by professionals.
Did they bother to do the research? No. Did they bother to call people who actually knew me and what kind of mother I was? No. They didn't do anything.
The next day my sons therapist was with him in his room doing a therapy session and my daughter was taking a nap on my bed (since she couldn't be in her crib because that's where James was, doing his therapy session, and it was too loud in there). Then there was a knock on the door. 4 people were outside. One of them I noticed, which was the cps worker. She had papers in her hand. She basically said they were there because they were going to take my kids and put them into custody. Tears started streaming down my cheeks at that point. I looked behind me and saw my son laughing as he enjoyed an activity the therapist was doing with him. I asked why they were taking them as I complied with everything they asked (for the exception of the "case plan"). Her response was..
"Honey..you didn't comply with the services"
"You mean the parenting classes, etc?" I ask
"Yes" she replies
An attorney general was there also and said "Don't make this hard".
I can't even explain how hard it is to look your kids in the eyes and know they are going to be ripped from your arms. I had to "Gather" their clothes and some toys. I had to wake up my daughter and my sons' therapy session got interrupted. He had such a scared/confused look on his face and I just cried so hard. I held him so tight, not wanting to let go.
"Where is my son going?" I ask
"To his dads house" they reply
"No! You can't do that! His dad was never involved and never cared about him! He is a complete stranger to my son! You can't do that to him!"
"Well..he is the father" they reply
Did they care that Autistic children don't do well with change? Did they care how they need stability? Did they care how negatively this will affect my son as I am the only person he has known and loved. This is the only home he knows! They didn't even care that they were going to separate two siblings that loved each other so much. They didn't care that they were going to take away two kids that loved their mother so much and how I would die for them. My kids are my life. They are the air that I breath. This was just their "job" and obviously they didn't do it well. All they care about is that paycheck and not the kids.
My journey from that point out has been living HELL.
I was assigned a court appointed attorney that didn't do a damn thing to help my case! I cried so hard after doing my research about the corruption of cps..knowing that if I kept my court appointed attorney..I would never get my kids back. Found out that court appointed attorneys are actually "Friends" with cps. How they work "together".
A friend that I have, miraculously forked over the money (thousands) to pay for a private attorney for me. That was a miracle beyond anything.
Two weeks later, I gave birth to my son. Previously, I kept asking cps if they knew anything on if this one would be taken too. "I don't know" they reply. THEY ALL KNEW! You don't know yet you want me NOT to deliver at home? Yea..I'm not stupid. I had no choice. I had to deliver at the hospital because I had Step B and had to get antibiotics during labor so my son wouldn't get really ill after birth. My doctor had to induce me as I was almost 2 weeks post my EDD.
As always, when my son was born..I was so happy. Crying because he was so handsome and I loved him so much. I was currently grieving over the fact that my two kids got illegally taken from my home yet celebrating the birth of my son.
On the second day, his pediatrician came into my room. He said, "I tried to discharge you but an alert came up saying to "hold" the discharge until a social worker came and talked to me". Talked to me? Really? Is THAT what you guys call it? I waited for two hrs for him to come. I held my son for every minute. He came and basically said, "You have to sign this to give permission to put your son into custody"
"Why?" I ask. He has no relevancy to why my other two were taken (which there was a never a reason to why they were taken).
"Well..its because your other two recently got taken away and it wouldn't make sense for us to not take this one away"
he paused..for awhile..as I cried..
"Please sign this because if you don't..I'm going to have to call the cops"
(CPS is NOT to suppose to make threats and he did. This was another thing they violated along with many other laws they broke during this whole thing)
I just cried so hard. It was bad enough that my other two got taken..god..it was hell..still is. Now they were about to take this one too...for no valid reason at all.
All in all, they took him too.
Knowing this MIGHT happen..and knowing how bad foster homes can be..I pre-planned the placement. My friend, whom I have known for years, recently got finger printed, etc and was approved to take care of my daughter (until I get them back) and she was willing to take care of my newest son as she wanted (my friend) to keep them together and so he wouldn't end up in a foster home. So..two of my kids..are with my friend as my oldest (the one who has Autism) is with a dad that was never involved and never cared.
Visits with my son are horrible. Not the actual visit but how I sit in the waiting room and I have to watch his dad, his dad's gf, and my son sit right in front of me. I have to sit there and watch what my sons dad does to him right before my eyes. How when my son tries to play with the toys in the waiting room..he holds him by the arm at all times (near the shoulder). I just want to yell, "LET HIM GO!" god. He can't even play freely? My son just wanted to play with toys and he wouldn't let him. My son wanted to come toward me and he forced him back and restrained him on his lap while my son cried. How on another occasion I had my daughter with me in the waiting area (my friend met me in the parking lot so I walked in with them). My daughter recognized my son. She misses him so much. She wanted to go up to him to play. However, his dad wouldn't let go of him. "Not now, James". He is the one that needs parenting classes! He forced him back again. On a recent visit I had with my son, I led him out to the waiting room as that's where his "Dad" was waiting. I bent down to his level and told him how much I loved him and that I will see him next week. He kissed me on the cheek. The hardest thing was to let go of his hand knowing he he going back to a person that doesn't care for him or love him and having no say in the matter. My son ran to the left (opposite of where his dad was..he was running away from him) and his dad forced him back. It just kills me. My son also has eczema. Had it since he was 2 months old. Its not hard to treat! All you do is put hydrocordizone cream on it and Aveeno Baby lotion as it has oatmeal in it. Yet, at visits..I see scabs on his ankles/legs. That happens when excema isn't properly treated. Or in this case, not treated at all. I know how bad he can itch and be in pain because of it. I know that his dad isn't doing anything about it either.
The biggest thing that brings me to tears is seeing my son regressing. He used to be so happy, active, energetic, and was so outspoken (even though he couldn't talk..he babbled to no end). Now..He is so quiet, doesn't laugh, barely smiles, and keeps to himself. I look at him and I don't see the son I have raised and loved. When you look in his eyes its like looking into a dark hole. Cps noticed and said, "Oh its probably because of his diagnosis" YOU guys don't know ANYTHING about his diagnosis. If you did, they would have not been taken! The way he is now is because you placed him in a home and with people he doesn't know and who don't care about him!
My sons dad isn't "right" in the head either. All he does is play video goes, has a mental capacity of a 6th grader, wiccan, etc. Even cps is catching on to this.
There is SOOO much more to this and I really want to do a Part 2 to my story.
All in all, my kids should have never been taken. I never neglected them and only protected my son. I will fight this until my kids come home. I will bring this to the media even.
I even called the executive director at an agency that specializes in Autism and told her my story. I told her about the "locked bedroom door" and how cps classified that as "neglect". She was floored! She said that was in no way neglect. How there had to be SOMETHING ELSE on the report. I said, "no! That's the main staple!". "Well..they can't do that! That is a safety measure many parents have to take to protect their Autistic kids from wondering" she says. "Well..they did..and now I have to defend this in court" I reply. She is on the list of people that are going to be subpoenaed to testify.
Source: http://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/news/mothers-fight-her-life-cps-and-autism-28893201#ixzz1621qL9SGhttp://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/news/mothers-fight-her-life-cps-and-autism-28893201
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